Shakespeare Gets Last Laugh

“I was stoned out of my mind for that entire century, that’s really what they should be talking about,” said the world renowned English poet and playwright when he discovered that scholars and literature geeks everywhere continue to obsess over the finer details of his work. “It’s like finding out you have a cult following…

Always Keep Your Promises

When Donnie’s wife and children left to visit some distant relatives earlier this week, she asked if he could do a few things while she was gone. Could he keep an eye on the dog, and the cat? Water the plants? Donnie thought these were pretty reasonable requests. He nodded vigorously, swore with his hand over…

Designers Among Those Most Afraid of Trump Whiteout

“We haven’t been on the verge of something this unfashionable since the cold war. Remember all that red? My god. Talk about agressssssive.” Designers, artists, and color experts across the United States marched today in an effort to bring awareness to the extent of which the country is on the verge of aesthetic doom. With…

We Need To Tell More Alternative Facts

Here at The Dirt Mouth, we believe in telling the truth. We believe in cutting through the abyss of majority-driven garbage that is the world of news, and we aim to provide our millions of readers with an outlook they can trust, and information they can use. That’s why today, we’re here to tell you…

Trump Loses Hitler’s Support

“He’s doing it all wrong” said the long dead leader of Nazi Germany on Sunday. “He stomps like a stier in a glas shop. Does he plan to rule what is broken? Scheisse.” After Trump started to use more than one prejudice scapegoat during his long and spirited presidential campaign, Hitler said he felt as…

Flipping the Switch on the Forever War

The following is a creative piece I wrote for my special topics in rhetorics class last fall. I have heard that long preambles are a waste of reader time and energy, so I’ll keep it short. The following link (Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal, 1729) is an online version of the piece which inspired my own, and the…